this is really cool. testing.

Psalm 23, upset stomachs and grass (like, green grass)

The sheep from Psalms 23 : David and me

Today I heard an explanation for the verse from Psalms 23, ” He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters”. David being a Shepherd was very insightful when he implied that He’s the Lord’s sheep. Shepherds in those times, led their sheep to green go on grazing from one end to the other, as they really have no clue on went to stop eating! Anyone who has eaten too much knows well that it causes stomach aches and other illnesses. So the shepherd has to make these sheep lie down on the pastures so that they can chew cud and digest what they have eaten. The speaker said that shepherds physically make the sheep lie down! Aren’t there times in life when we have just no clue when and where to stop? God, our shepherd has to make us lie down on the green pastures. So, may be the green pastures is not about just rest. It’s about well needed rest while we think we should graze upon the vast meadows kept there just for us. But the shepherd, thankfully, is wiser. If we don’t lie down, He’ll make us lie down. Now, mind you, that is not always pleasant, is it? What about my plans? What about the money? What about the time I’m losing? What about the losses I’ll make? Yet, the shepherd who knows our insides, better than us, will make us lie down, if we are his sheep. The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

Image courtesy: septimusprime on www.photobucket.com or

Broken v.1.0

B r  o ke    n .

Dedicated.

How I wish to stand up and praise you.

But guilt pulls down every inch of my soul

With those thick, sharp hooks

And the Devil stands in front  giving me his dark looks

Could I shout, could I Cry?

Would my wet eyes fall on the altar and make you turn

Your Gracious eyes?

Toward a  sinner, as degraded as I

A sweet sacrifice I wished to offer

Same old story

I’m just playing it over

But this time

I want to be liberated

Live life for you

If that’s what’s consecrated.

Yet the desolation just gives me a way.

Would two hands lifted up

Mean anything

to you?

Holy Father

You feel far away

Farther than I could come back home

What’s point in me shedding tears all the way

as I go farther away from you?

Would a swollen heart, red and heavy

Ever be made to feel like it should

Could I ever be fortunate to be the one

to be called back to your arms?

Engagement, wet clay and winds of change.

It’s been a while.

After I decided to marry her, she seemed to be a quiet woman I hadn’t previously seen. At times she used to seem unruly. Not really the Mama’s girl, and that’s because there were people in her life who’s words mattered. At least for a while. I learnt about her through books, people and passive listening of gossip. I read the Bible since that was important and often compared whether she lived accordingly. She wasn’t exactly what  seemed to be. But then Jesus hasn’t really told us what she would look or be like, and there’s lies the possibility. He didn’t fit her into water tight descriptions or even a recipe. He just talked about people who’d marry her. Anyone could. It took me long to decide.

I would have to give up some deals in my life if I were to agree. That was tough. That, still is. But the promise . . . It was going to be worth it. “No eyes have seen, no ears have heard…”

* * *

It was the time to prepare. The time away. Rowing in the back waters, trying to catch up with folks on the bank, catching up with people I knew, meeting new people who had come, who had made new house along the bank, over time.

There wasn’t much to be worried about. There certainly was a feeling of , ” I’ll just get past”.  I couldn’t foresee any stumbling blocks , God forbid, some accident or some untoward incident. Otherwise, it was a smooth sail. I didn’t over work. But I did work. I took it pretty seriously, not wanting to be too overconfident.

***

First.

Another feather on the cap given by the Gracious creator, making me the centre point in the arguments of people who brandished their arguments called  “UNFAIR”. It all seemed too easy at the end of it.

The feeling is creeping in. Sajeev who also got engaged along with me and the other twenty-three, seemed unable to cope with the pressure that was seeping in, like flood waters from underneath house doors into the rooms where unsuspecting families sat watching TV. It was contagious. We sat on the bus riding home in the twilight, with flood waters rising in our heads. We were silent. Molding into to something. Allowing to be molded. But, is it the Potter who’s molding the wet clay? That’s the question. To see those hands as the Potter’s – that’s the difficult part. After all,  they obviously look like human hands.

Winds of change swept at us as we walked up the slope only to walk down in a few moments. I won’t change. I wont’ change who I am. I’ll meet change at the boundaries and then put up my fences. Yeah, that’s what I will do. I’ll meet it where it comes and meets me, face to face. I’m not going to build 8 foot tall walls, right now. I will never do that. I’ll be me. At least, what I believe is me.

Gone

You never knew me.
Nor did I know you.
Yet, a noose of responsibility tightens,
Hurting my throat

When you bade farewell, with a letter to all
Vindicating each of them, except one…
It became sad news
But it’s more than news.

It’s a warrant.

Yesterday you left us all-
A stab at all of us self-righteous people
smiling, going shopping
going to church… all passing you by.

If your heart ached and I was too busy to find out,
Woe to me, and all you friends
Because a friend was placed beside you
So that you live
So that you are comforted
So that you could talk when you heart felt heavy
So that I could talk you out of doing
something stupid,
something worthless,
as this.

Child,
From far I hear of you.
In fact,
After you have gone.

God is a sword.
He said that himself.
He did not come to comfort me,
But to comfort people like you
and when he left this earth,
He put me or someone like me
Beside you
so that I could,
What He would.

Now that you’re gone
With my job undone
Unable to complete it, ever again
I await judgement.
I await that sword, which I dread.

My hands lifted in praise
Will merely be a posture now;
My rising voice will sound terrible
As I worship.
His face will be turned away
As I look for him.
Since I didn’t care for you,
He wouldn’t care for me.
That’s His logic. May be beyond that.

Why didn’t I pay heed to you?
Why didn’t I see those moist eyes when you laughed with us?
Why did I not think twice,
When I heard your voice go down as we shared coffee with friends?
How could I not see the soul behind those eyes!
And I call myself, a friend, or classmate,
Or neighbour

Now that you are gone…

Now that you are gone…

Does it mean there are more-
People, with swollen hearts
Dreams shattered
In to a million tiny pieces,
Carrying the world on their shoulders
While I sit beside and laugh
Carelessly. Literally, carelessly.

More than my punishment
I worry, that I couldn’t let you know
That you could just speak
Or just cry
and I would just listen.
I was busy making plans
Watching movies,
Learning songs,
Messaging the same friends
Over and over and over
Taking stupid tests on facebook
Updating my status,
Wondering what people said about them,
Thanking those who commented on my notes

While you, squeezed your heart in pain
Writhed in disgrace,
Shattered at the ungrateful cheat’s behaviour,
Sitting alone in the crowd
Withdrew to your room on a busy street
and finally gave up.

Me too.

Doors opening.

God’s doing it again.

He doesn’t need my boat to come and calm the storm.

He opens doors,  brings opportunities, takes me places I can’t imagine going myself. all of this inspite of acting disinterested in what He seems to be showing me in very very subtle ways.

The subtle God. Mind you. He doesn’t figure on any of our radars. He works in completely different ways. We just can’t imagine.He has a different route. Something we don’t realise existed until we went through it. I am beginning to like it, because it is adventurous. Actually, it’s because He is being faithful and is continuing to shower encouragement in one way or the other. Praise God.

Action, not the feeling?

When the heart longs

There is nothing so heartening like hearing someone say that they really want to do something for God. I heard this from a friend and I was happy to have heard it. The passion and the longing which rand from the deepest corner of that heart said one thing, though implicit: Jesus is my King and He can have His way!

How beautiful! I never had the guts to say that and hear there was someone who could not hold in in their heart anymore.

Give me that passion and longing for you, Lord. May I stand for you no matter who stands n front of me, for You are a faithful God who lives from everlasting to everlasting. You and Your promises remain.

,(\o_.

/~face down~/

Here we go again, here we go again; Give it away now

Believe me, it is a difficult task to listen to God’s voice. I haven’t heard it and I am not even sure if one can actually here, although there are people claiming that they have. Good for them; really.

Finding out God’s will in life is even more difficult.

Finally, I have just let Him do whatever. From where I thought I knew what the Lord had in store, in the form of an idea and a dream, I have come to make this short 5 month journey wherein I realised the God I knew is actually  the God I hadn’t known. There’s too much about God that no one really knows Him that well. Of course, this pearl of wisdom came from Jesus Himself when He said only He knew the father. But theology attempts to look at God in different ways, trying to put together the puzzle, with pieces which we believe He gave us. It’s interesting. You could spend a life time putting it together, and still not find him. Still the journey is worth it.

But a journey where we do just this and nothing else, is in itself not worth merit. That’s where your purpose in life comes in, I think. I just think, that’s all.

So it’s a surrender. Not yet complete. It never will be. But He still accepts.A surrender which says, you ride the boat, I’ll just sit here with you, because I have no clue where you are going.

Whether He wants me to ride it for a while, is something that I don’t know. Will I regret not being persistent? For giving up when I became tired mentally? Actually, it’s His problem. Really. That’s where it’s come to. I’ll just help solve His problem.

Here goes.

Take me with you. And I am damn scared, God.

Casting Crowns for me

I’m listening to Casting Crowns, one of my favourite bands, and it makes me want to cry.

They are unbelievably and unconventionally honest about life, in their lyrics, and that’s what people struggling like me need today. There must be so many people out there encouraged to face their struggles after listening to the.

Songs like Who am I, Every man, Altar and the Door, If we are the body, If people pray, Stain Glass Masquerade, etc. just talk to me. Their songs are such a blunt affair that they don’t sugar it up with ‘it’s OKs and it’s alright’s’.

Being a lover of music, this band for me is a breath of fresh air from music, Christian and otherwise, because they actually make an issue out of issues which are an issue! I’m tired of the same old lyrics, same patterns, same words. And Casting Crowns makes you think and look at yourself in a mirror. Does the world see Jesus through what’s seen in the mirror? The truth, in my case is no, and their songs make me face up to that fact.

Their vocal combination of Mike Hall with Melodee Devevo backing him up is just fantastic. It’s one of those combinations which some amazingly great singers have used effectively; a rusty powerful male voice backed by an equally powerful and spirit filled female voice. I’m a great fan of it, especially having heard my favourites blessing us that way: Lenny LeBlanc (With Rachel Wilson in ‘Lord you have my heart’ and all his albums, aspecially, Above All) and Matt Redman (the song FACE DOWN and other songs) and so on.