It is so difficult to be the loser.
I like winning, although it hasn’t be the way of things with me.
Jesus’ affinity for the last, the least and the lost is about the only thing that is currently keeping me going. You find it in “Kingdom, Grace, Judgment: Paradox, Outrage and Vindication in the Parables of Jesus” by Robert Farrar Capon. He says, death and losing is about the only way in which God can bring His salvation into our lives.
Which then is a good thing. Am I a successful youth chaplain? Whatever that means! Currently, by the parameters of the world, I am not successful. Leave those parameters. This is what I would like:
I would like myself to be a wonderful instrument in His hand. I’d like to imagine Him as Eric Clapton and me, his guitar. That way, a meaningful ministry. Something that would touch so many lives that they see what God sees in them.
I am sure God reads my blog.
B r o ke n .
How I wish to stand up and praise you.
But guilt pulls down every inch of my soul
With those thick, sharp hooks
And the Devil stands in front giving me his dark looks
Could I shout, could I Cry?
Would my wet eyes fall on the altar and make you turn
Your Gracious eyes?
Toward a sinner, as degraded as I
A sweet sacrifice I wished to offer
Same old story
I’m just playing it over
But this time
I want to be liberated
Live life for you
If that’s what’s consecrated.
Yet the desolation just gives me a way.
Would two hands lifted up
You feel far away
Farther than I could come back home
What’s point in me shedding tears all the way
as I go farther away from you?
Would a swollen heart, red and heavy
Ever be made to feel like it should
Could I ever be fortunate to be the one
to be called back to your arms?
God’s doing it again.
He doesn’t need my boat to come and calm the storm.
He opens doors, brings opportunities, takes me places I can’t imagine going myself. all of this inspite of acting disinterested in what He seems to be showing me in very very subtle ways.
The subtle God. Mind you. He doesn’t figure on any of our radars. He works in completely different ways. We just can’t imagine.He has a different route. Something we don’t realise existed until we went through it. I am beginning to like it, because it is adventurous. Actually, it’s because He is being faithful and is continuing to shower encouragement in one way or the other. Praise God.
Action, not the feeling?