Fear of sticking to your guns – when I told them, again.

Finally, after many days of thinking over and churning my thoughts, I told them what I was going to do. The organisation I am planning of.  The one where I want to use music and counselling and reach out to teens and youth and tell them about a loving God who’s waiting to have a relationship establisehd, and waiting to bless them.
It was very difficult. I didn’t want the emotional talk hanging in the atmosphere. I didn’t want to feel small. I didn’t want to see angry and ” He’s doing it again” faces.
I was waiting for an outburst and splurted it out calmly.

A few exchanges and then it was over. I couldn’t complete every detail  or tell part B of the plan – the plan for this year.
but I have given the first part. Another explosion, may be tomorrow.

Stepping out in faith is scary. Felt a little lonely when they said a few things in opposition. Very logical and practical arguments, and I respect them for that.  I’m concerned too. But I am ready to step out, believing the Lord wants it this way. (Does he? Oh God…)

Somehow, the fact that ‘since God called, He’s in control’, didn’t help me enough. I was still scared. It took me time to speak. It took me a long time to decide when to speak up.

But I am taking what came out in the Daily Reading book and following it. Immediately after dinner. It said, never bachtrack the decisions you took at your high point. They are meant to be followed even when things go wrong.
Couldn’t tell them part B.
I will.
Still a little scared. But I will tell them.

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